At 49, I thought I had a good grasp on my life, even with my lifelong companion—ADHD. I’ve spent years learning how to manage my scattered thoughts, bursts of creativity, and challenges with focus. But nothing could have prepared me for the rollercoaster that is perimenopause. It feels like someone threw a wrench into my already complex brain, turning a mildly chaotic situation into complete pandemonium. If you’re like me—a woman with ADHD entering perimenopause—then you know exactly what I’m talking about.
The Fog Feels Thicker Now
ADHD comes with its own brand of mental fog, but add perimenopause into the mix, and that fog becomes a full-blown thunderstorm. The forgetfulness that used to be occasional now feels almost constant. I’ll walk into a room with a purpose, only to stand there blankly wondering why I’m there in the first place. Was I supposed to grab my phone? Start dinner? Who knows! I’m sure there was something important to do, but it’s lost somewhere in the abyss of my foggy brain.
Then there’s the struggle of starting a task only to get sidetracked by a dozen others. This was always an issue with my ADHD, but now it’s amplified. I’ll decide to tackle a simple chore like sorting the laundry. Before I know it, I’m deep-cleaning the fridge because I found a sticky spot while trying to get some water, and the laundry is still untouched. I get frustrated with myself for never finishing anything, but with both ADHD and perimenopause messing with my focus, it feels like I’m fighting an uphill battle every day.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Let’s talk about mood swings. ADHD has always made me sensitive, prone to big emotions, and easily overwhelmed. Perimenopause, with its fluctuating hormone levels, has turned that sensitivity into a full-blown emotional rollercoaster. One minute I’m fine, and the next, I’m either tearing up over a random TV commercial or snapping at my loved ones for the smallest thing. It’s exhausting for me and everyone around me.
The irritability that comes with perimenopause is a beast of its own. For someone with ADHD, who’s already dealing with a hyperactive mind and sensory overload, the added stress of hormonal mood swings feels unbearable at times. It’s like living with a brain that’s constantly on high alert, always ready to overreact. It’s tough to explain to others because even I don’t fully understand why I’m suddenly so agitated or on edge.
Sleep: The Elusive Unicorn
Getting good sleep has always been tricky with ADHD. My brain loves to stay active at night, replaying the day’s events or diving into creative ideas just as I’m trying to wind down. But now, with perimenopause in the mix, sleep is even more elusive. Hot flashes wake me up in the middle of the night, and once I’m awake, my ADHD brain goes into overdrive. I start worrying about everything from the state of my house to whether I responded to that email from three days ago. Sleep becomes a rare and precious gift that I’m lucky to get a few hours of.
The lack of sleep affects everything else. My focus, already a challenge, is almost nonexistent when I’m sleep-deprived. I’ve noticed that my usual ADHD coping mechanisms—like making lists or setting timers—don’t work as well when I’m running on fumes. It’s like trying to swim through mud, and it’s frustrating to feel like I’m falling behind in every aspect of my life simply because I can’t get a decent night’s rest.
The Body-Mind Disconnect
One of the most surprising challenges has been the disconnect I feel between my mind and body. My body is changing, and it’s hard to keep up with those changes when my ADHD brain already struggles with awareness. I’ll get sudden aches or pains that I can’t quite pinpoint, and I find it hard to trust my body’s signals. Is this just another random ADHD distraction, or is it something I should actually be concerned about? The hyperawareness of every little symptom can be overwhelming and adds to my already high levels of anxiety.
Exercise used to be a way to manage both my ADHD and anxiety, but now, thanks to perimenopause, my body doesn’t always cooperate. Joint pain, fatigue, and that annoying sluggishness make it hard to stick to a routine. Yet I know that moving my body is one of the few things that can actually help both conditions. It’s a frustrating cycle: I know I need to exercise, but my body says no, which then makes my ADHD symptoms worse.
Finding the Right Support
Navigating this dual challenge of ADHD and perimenopause has also made me more aware of the importance of finding the right support. I’ve had to learn how to advocate for myself more than ever. Traditional advice for managing perimenopause doesn’t always take ADHD into account, and many ADHD resources aren’t tailored to women going through hormonal changes. It’s like being stuck in a Venn diagram where the overlap feels painfully small.
Finding a healthcare provider who understands both conditions has been a game-changer. It’s been a journey of trial and error, and it’s taken time to find what works best for me. I’ve also found strength in connecting with other women who are going through the same thing. Hearing their stories, tips, and even their rants makes me feel less alone in this messy, complicated journey.
The Silver Lining
As challenging as this time is, I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’ve had to get creative in managing both my ADHD and the hormonal chaos of perimenopause. I’ve become more patient with myself—something that’s never come naturally to me. On days when everything feels overwhelming, I remind myself that I’m navigating two complex conditions that each come with their own set of struggles.
I’ve also found humor in the absurdity of it all. There’s something almost funny about losing my train of thought mid-sentence and then getting distracted by a completely unrelated idea. I’ve learned to laugh at myself more, to embrace the chaos, and to celebrate the small victories—like actually finishing a task I started.
If you’re a woman going through both ADHD and perimenopause, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and exhausted. But also know that we’re stronger than we think. We’ve been managing our ADHD brains for years, and while perimenopause adds a whole new level of challenge, we can find ways to adapt. It’s not easy, but it’s possible.
This phase of life is complicated, but it’s also an opportunity to redefine what it means to be resilient, creative, and resourceful. Yes, it’s messy. Yes, it’s overwhelming. But it’s also a reminder that we’re still growing, still learning, and still figuring things out—one foggy, hot-flash-filled day at a time.